As a reminder, we are not having class on Monday or Wednesday this week. I am conferencing with students individually in my office Monday-Wednesday. Here are the times I will be available:
Monday: 10-1
Tuesday: 10-3
Wednesday: 9-1
Also, if you were not in class on Friday, you need to sign up for a presentation time. The presentations begin on Friday. If you don't come by my office and sign up, you will be assigned a time. There is one remaining slot available for Friday. The rest of the open slots are on Monday, April 27th during our final exam time.
Thanks, and I will see you very soon.
Monday, 13 April 2009
Tuesday, 7 April 2009
I almost pee'd my pants laughing
I got this hilarious story today and thought that the blog would be an ideal place to share this. Enjoy!
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis .
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,00 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for
now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the
MoviPrep.
You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times
when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom,
spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing
occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.
There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate. 'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said.
And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very
mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me a nd asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
ABOUT THE WRITER:
Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald. On the subject of Colonoscopies...
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis .
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,00 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for
now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the
MoviPrep.
You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times
when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom,
spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing
occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.
There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate. 'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said.
And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very
mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me a nd asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
ABOUT THE WRITER:
Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald. On the subject of Colonoscopies...
Saturday, 4 April 2009
What's love got to do, got to do with it?
What power has love but forgiveness?
In other words
by its intervention
what has been done
can be undone.
What good is it otherwise?
In other words
by its intervention
what has been done
can be undone.
What good is it otherwise?
-William Carlos Williams
"Asphodel, That Greeny Flower"
Friday, 3 April 2009
AnGrY!
So i am sitting in the library today working on my math and this girl keeps getting up and down answering the phone and yelling at the person on the other end, each time she comes back she slams her phone on the desk and disrupts everyone around her. I can tell she is upset and i am the closest person sitting next to her so I ask her if she is ok, she turns to me and says " Its none of your F@#$!*# buisness!" At first i thought it was kinda funny how childish she was acting in public, but now i was a little angry myself lol. Anyway i sarted thinking about the whole thing and counldn't help but wonder why she was acting the way she was. Of course there was something that was causeing her to be angry, but as for myself i can be very angry and not show it because i am in public. I think we show our emotions publicly when we want other people to know what we are feeling because some part of us wants help or just to be heard; however, in this girls case i am confused. I tryed to offer help and she was not having it lol. I don't know why but i couldn't stop thinking her public display of anger and what her motives were. What do you guys think? 
Thursday, 2 April 2009
Paint a Picture
I agree with what everyone has said.
I think the pictures are a great help to the reader. It allows the author to be more free with what he writes but still lets the reader understand. The reader can also paint a better picture in their head and then compare it to the real painting to see if they understood what they read. Pictures are also good if you are trying to clear something up in the reading and reading it over and over just isn't helping. The reader could rely too much on the picture for help to understand but I think that once they see the picture and understand it they will be able to discuss it and go into more detail with it.
I think the pictures are a great help to the reader. It allows the author to be more free with what he writes but still lets the reader understand. The reader can also paint a better picture in their head and then compare it to the real painting to see if they understood what they read. Pictures are also good if you are trying to clear something up in the reading and reading it over and over just isn't helping. The reader could rely too much on the picture for help to understand but I think that once they see the picture and understand it they will be able to discuss it and go into more detail with it.
Wednesday, 1 April 2009
Art and Poetry
Do you think having the paintings right there to refer to helps you or hinders you as you are reading the poems? Do you rely too much on them, or do they help you to understand the poets' angles of vision? Explain.
I personally love being able to refer to the paintings while i am reading the poems. I have studied these paintings and the background stories that make them significant which not only helps me to imagine what the poet is thinking but also understand why he chose to write about them with the picture next to it. Having the paintings next to the poems helps the reader to create a more solidified imagery of the poets angle of vision as he is writing; and allows the reader to understand lines in the poems. For instance in "Before the Mirrors" Updike describes the colors of Picasso's painting and while reading the description the reader can glance over at the previous page to see the intense colors of the painting itself.
And i love these paintings which makes me, as a reader, willing to listen to what the poet has to say about them; because he has included them with his poetry.
I personally love being able to refer to the paintings while i am reading the poems. I have studied these paintings and the background stories that make them significant which not only helps me to imagine what the poet is thinking but also understand why he chose to write about them with the picture next to it. Having the paintings next to the poems helps the reader to create a more solidified imagery of the poets angle of vision as he is writing; and allows the reader to understand lines in the poems. For instance in "Before the Mirrors" Updike describes the colors of Picasso's painting and while reading the description the reader can glance over at the previous page to see the intense colors of the painting itself.
And i love these paintings which makes me, as a reader, willing to listen to what the poet has to say about them; because he has included them with his poetry.
Disconcerned
They never forgot
That even the dreadful martyrdom must run its course
Anyhow in a corner, some untidy spot
Where the dogs go on with their doggy life and the torturer's horse
Scratches its innocent behind on a tree.
These lines really allow us to see how while someone is suffering, to the rest of the world it is as if it never happened. The dogs continue with their insignificant dog lives and even the horse pays no attention to the torturer on it's back. These few lines give us a perspective as well from the animal kingdom. It's interesting how just like dogs and horses we too see someone else suffering but pretend like it isn't even happening. We continue on "scratching our horse behinds" or in other words, doing the meaningless things we do everyday such as watching television. In reality, neither the dog, nor the horse can do much about what is happening. Therefore, they are not at fault. We as humans, on the other hand, can do something but yet still many times we carry on as if someone else's suffering doesn't concern us.
That even the dreadful martyrdom must run its course
Anyhow in a corner, some untidy spot
Where the dogs go on with their doggy life and the torturer's horse
Scratches its innocent behind on a tree.
These lines really allow us to see how while someone is suffering, to the rest of the world it is as if it never happened. The dogs continue with their insignificant dog lives and even the horse pays no attention to the torturer on it's back. These few lines give us a perspective as well from the animal kingdom. It's interesting how just like dogs and horses we too see someone else suffering but pretend like it isn't even happening. We continue on "scratching our horse behinds" or in other words, doing the meaningless things we do everyday such as watching television. In reality, neither the dog, nor the horse can do much about what is happening. Therefore, they are not at fault. We as humans, on the other hand, can do something but yet still many times we carry on as if someone else's suffering doesn't concern us.
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